Today we are going to look at is communication within a relationship, this is hugely important, as without communication things can go from bad to worse very quickly and lead to other common problems such as, Anger, Jealousy, Lack of trust, Envy and eventually the breakdown of the relationship. Let me explain why…….
When we hear, or think about relationship communication the first thing that springs to mind is talking, but that is just the tip of the iceberg as it were, there is so much more to healthy relationship communication than the words we say. How many people when they need to have a talk with the other half think about the following;
Eye contact
Body language
Attitude
The delivery
Listening (not just to the positive parts)
Tone of voice
What the other person is feeling
What actions your words are going to have?
Temperament
Emotions involved in the conversation
All these basic things, can define relationship communication, and if we get it wrong then the effects can be detrimental to the whole relationship.
So, let’s have a look at how we can ensure we get it right.
Face on Face: In this day and age we have so many different ways to communicate, Phone, Text, Email, Facebook, Twitter, Snap Chat, WhatsApp, the list is endless but at times we run the risk of losing someone or something by not using the first form of communications we knew. Good old fashioned Talking. Face to face, one to one, with openness and honesty. If you have something to say or talk about, don’t make the token effort of messaging it, the person you are with deserves more respect than a text message or email if you are in a position to sit down face to face with them. You can’t judge how a conversation is going if you can’t see the other person and 9 times out of 10, texts and emails get miss read or the meaning behind them gets lost, which is why the clarity part is vital. Don’t be lazy, if it’s an option always speak face to face with the other person.
Timing: They say timing is everything and for the majority of that statement it’s right. So, you have a burning issue, it’s been on your mind all day and you just want an answer to it. You come home or your partner arrives home and straight away boom you dive right in to it, please don’t do that. Let’s sit down think for a second and ask the following questions to yourself. How has their day been, how are they feeling, how are they acting, is right now really the best time to have a deep and meaningful conversation. If they are the stay at home parent and have been looking after the children all day then probably not, more than likely they will be tired, stressed out and glad to have you home to help out or maybe just drained after a really long day. Same goes for the person who has been at work all day, we need to slow down and pick a better time with not so much going on to have the conversation or ask the burning question. Once the kids are asleep, once they have had a bath, once they have had some dinner and feeling more relaxed. I promise there is nothing worse than walking in a door to be bombarded with questions or issues or hour long conversations about things you haven’t even thought about. That just puts the other person on edge straight away and they become irritable and the conversation is doomed from the start.
Do not attack or presume: When you have sat up all night or been alone all day with just your thoughts you will always try to convince yourself of the worst, not everything is as it seems and if you look at the next part you will see why. Think clearly about the conversation you want to have and the questions you want answers to. Try to ask leading questions if you can, that way they take you from one part of the conversation straight to the next and it isn’t so abrupt, which can often make people defensive and the whole atmosphere of the conversation is tainted before it begins. Never ask questions that can be answered with a straight yes or no, as that won’t answer get you an answer to your question and will only lead to more and more questions. So be prepared and think about the questions before start the conversation. Breath, relax and control your emotions as best you can. If you are rude or aggressive in your manner, then that’s what you will get in return. And remember this…….. words are one of the few things in life that can’t be taken back, once they are out and they have been said, they stay out and and cannot be unsaid. Don’t say anything in anger that you don’t mean to try and hurt someone, as feelings and emotions are very complicated and a sorry or a cup of tea once you have made up, won’t change the fact that those words are now firmly in the other person’s head and they won’t be going away, in fact, quite the opposite, they will come back, a lot sooner than you think. Most damage to a relationship is done in anger.
Be Honest: Agree to be honest with each other. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it’s the key to a healthy relationship. Its OK to admit that you aren’t always perfect and to apologise when you make a mistake, instead of making excuses. You will feel better and it will help strengthen your relationship. If you are about to do something or behave in such a way that will cause issues in the relationship, then it’s a safe bet that it’s not a good idea. This is the most important part of this article and I can’t stress enough the importance of honesty. It will break all trust when you start being dishonest and as we already know, NO TRUST = NO RELATIONSHIP.
Check Your Body Language: Let your partner know you’re really in the room by giving them your full attention: sit up, face them and make eye contact when speaking. Don’t take a phone call, text or play on your phone when you’re talking. Show your partner you respect them by listening and responding.
Listen: After you tell your partner how you feel, remember to stop talking and listen to what they have to say. You both deserve the opportunity to express how you feel in a safe and healthy environment. Acknowledge the thoughts and feelings being discussed, it is important to show your partner you are listening properly and thinking about the conversation. Being in the room and listening properly are two very different things.
Communicating isn’t always easy. Some of these things may feel unnatural or awkward to start with but they can help you communicate better and build a strong relationship.
Remember, time isn’t a healer, what you do with your time is. Have a great day!
JulieAnn Wellness Therapies 