There is an old saying that time is a great healer, it takes time, just know in time everything will be OK, time heals everything. No, it doesn’t. Time doesn’t heal anything, contrary to popular belief. Time is just that, time, a period of seconds, minutes, hours and days where we allow our self to either be proactive and fight what’s damaging and hurting us or sit and wallow in self-despair and change nothing, never moving forward or getting better, dragging the pain out for days, weeks, months and in some cases years.
If you had a choice to have one big chunk of pain that would be given to you in one hit or the choice to have equal amounts of pain, spread out of weeks, months and years. What would you choose? Me, I will opt for the one big chunk each and every time, the pain and hurt are inevitable, how long it lasts is totally up to you hence getting proactive and dealing with and dismissing it as quickly as possible. But how do we deal with something that makes us feel heartbroken, sad, depressed, anxious, low, down and makes us have that crazy heavy sick feeling in our stomach, the sleepless nights, the endless worry and constant uncertainty that never seems to go away? Well we fight it, we dig deep and give it everything we have each and everyday. We deal with it, getting help if needed and most importantly, we learn from it. Let me show you how.
Acceptance: It happened, whatever horrid incident that is affecting you has happened, death, relationship breakup, loss of job, change in circumstances not of your doing, accidents, incidents, whatever the type of heartbreak or hurt it doesn’t matter the principles and how we deal with it are identical, it’s just the subject that is different and without question the first and one of the most important parts is acceptance. All the wishing in the world isn’t going to change it. Neither is all the tears and false hope. You are so much better taking a deep breath and telling yourself, OK it has happened it’s done now and I have no choice but to accept it. No matter how much will power and want you have in the world, you cannot change the past and you are wasting valuable energy wishing you could. Take that energy and focus on accepting the present situation and once we accept it, we can then look beyond today and come up with a plan of action. Stop with the false hope because that will only prolong the pain and hurt and it will stop us from moving forward.
Action Plan: So we all know the heart and head need time to heal and to take stock of everything that’s gone on and process it, and that’s fine. What is not fine is sitting for hours on end thinking about the same thing over and over again, so what we need is a plan of action and to stick to it as best we can, regardless of how or what we are feeling inside for want of a better expression we are going to ‘fake it until we make it’. So let’s make a plan of things we have to do today. Granted this can be more difficult in the current situation where our actions are limited. However, we can still get out for food shopping, or get out hours exercise, or play with the kids (if we have any). We are going to follow through on the things we know we need to do and not say they can wait, we are keeping proactive and we are making an effort to keep busy. Don’t just wake up and throw on the first thing on that comes to hand, make an effort to look and feel good, if you look good and at your best, your feelings will work harder to follow suit. We need to put in as much as we want to get out of this and no half measures as they won’t work. Get up, get ready and get focused even when you don’t feel like it, we are retraining our mind to love and function without the things we used to love and function for or with.
Talk: Not to the person who has caused the damage if that is the case and not to someone closed minded or has an agenda with the problem we are facing. Friends, family, therapists. It needs to be someone who has your best interests at heart and will be a sounding board and happy to listen and offer any advice they see fit. Remember the name of this article and if people only have that advice to offer then that’s OK but keep in mind you should seek other people’s advice and someone along the line will be telling you the exact same thing as I am in this article. Talking and letting it out is so important and it is a form or release and helps us process what’s gone on and helps us learn and deal with it properly.
Smile: Again, probably the last thing in the world you feel like doing right now, but I promise it really does help, not only for our sanity but for the chemicals that laughter releases into our system. Put the comedy channel on, put YouTube on too whatever makes you laugh and just for the meantime leave it on repeat, and no I am not forcing you to sit and listen non-stop to comedy but have it on in the background and every now and then you might pick something up that makes you smile or laugh at the unlikeliest of moments. Now when that happens just hold that for a second and realise; you know what the world does keep turning and moving on regardless of my feelings, emotions, thoughts or processes. I know it’s hard to even think about joy, laughter, smiling, happiness but I promise in the not so distant future these are the things that will be filling your life and when you look back you will think, my god she was right.
Fake it till you make it: Life is full of fakes, people at times are fake, the news is full of fakes. So why can’t we just for a short period of time join them as long as we keep in mind we are faking till we are making it. That’s the key here if we force ourselves to carry out actions such as interacting with the outside world, laughter, smiling, functioning day to day, not bursting into tears at the slightest of triggers then eventually because we are doing it so often out mind adapts and those actions soon become our normal everyday actions and not fake ones. Keep up the appearances, keep up your daily routine no matter how much you want to crawl up in a ball and die. Show the whole world that this has not affected you but educated you and gave you more understanding of the world and how it works and you have become a bigger, better, stronger person for it. Show just how strong you are no matter what your feeling inside.
Never look back: The past is gone and can’t be changed, the future has not yet come around and we are currently living with today’s gift, after all that’s why we call it the present. We can’t alter what’s gone but we can alter what’s coming. I know only too well that living in the past will tear you apart and if you listen to me you really don’t have to. It’s happened, it’s gone and there is nothing you or I can do to change it so let’s work on and change what we can and that’s our future. Look to what you have that’s good and strong in your life, be grateful for the small things and they grow and you will find it easier to look to what the future holds, if we work hard and be proactive and listen to these words. Focus on what’s coming and not what’s gone. I promise you, if you make that plan, stay focused and enjoy your kids or loved ones and live in the moment, then the moment will be rewarding. Never forget the past is the past for a reason.
Make that plan tonight and wake up tomorrow ready to make the changes that really can and will improve your life. Stay focused and remember, time isn’t a healer, what you do with your time is.
JulieAnn Wellness Therapies 