Often we can feel drained or stuck and we just accept that’s what life is, but why do we accept a situation that makes us unhappy? If we don’t feel well, we go to the doctors, even our cars have regular MOTs to ensure they are running safely, so why don’t we do the same with our relationships? A relationship health check will allow you to look at actions, thoughts and feelings that arise and ensure we are still in a happy environment and it is going in the direction you want.
Below are a few key points that you should be looking at or asking yourself when you do a relationship health check.
Is there trust? Is there still trust in the relationship? Or if it’s been broken, can it be regained? Trust is like a glass and once broken it can be repaired but the cracks will remain. If either party has committed adultery then no matter how much you want to, how understanding you are and how great the love you have for someone is, you will never be able to fully trust them again. When they get a text, are they hiding their phone to read it? Or do they have a password on their phone and always sit it face down? Do you wonder where they are on a night out or who they are talking to, are you checking their Facebook page to see who commented or liked a post. If you answer yes to any of those points then the trust is gone and have to then ask yourself are you really happy living like this or is it time to go?
How do you feel in their company? Do you feel tired and drained when your in their company too long? Do you hate the thought of long drawn out conversations? Do they make you feel down after talking to them or spending time with them? These are all key indicators of where this relationship is headed in the future and again we must look inwards and ask ourselves if you are happy to accept this life or should we step up and change it. If the relationship exhausts you emotionally then it is time for a change.
Have you become complacent? Now this can be fixed with good clear open lines of communication and sitting down with each other and talk it out, however after doing this time and time again we have to get to a point in life where you ask yourself are they really going to change because they just revert back to normal after a while. The key here is the first conversation about it. They must listen, show interest and show they understand and want to resolve the issue. If they are sitting watching TV or on their phone while your trying to discuss this, then that should tell you how much they value the relationship and I for one don’t believe anyone should be in a relationship and be undervalued or taken for granted. Love is such a beautiful emotion to have and to feel and once you have experienced it properly it should never be taken for granted and if they love you truly they won’t. No one deserves to be in a relationship that doesn’t enhance them every day.
Have you changed your core values for this person? We all have our own morals and values in life, what we believe and what we will and won’t accept. Have you changed them to suit your partner because they don’t have the same set of values or outlook? Have you changed as a person when there was nothing wrong with the person you were before? Have you lost family and friends because of this? Again this is wrong and not how good solid relationships work. Your partner should love and trust you as you want to love and trust them. They should be helping you, encouraging you to go out and achieve your goals and help you grow and thrive in every area of your life. That’s what love does, it opens you up to not think about yourself each and every day but to think of them and want the best for them. Enjoy your good times and support your bad. It shouldn’t be you making changes in life to please them and to suit their needs. Yes, relationships are about compromise at times but you should never have compromise who you are. Again I have to stress the importance of this, this is not how you should be living your life.
Do their actions match their words? I love you is the easiest thing in the world to say but one of the hardest things to consistently show. A bunch of flowers or a card on your birthday or valentines day doesn’t count. Grand gestures can also be meaningless. Look at the actions of the person day to day and the most important part of this point is; do you feel loved? Again, how do they talk with you, how do they look at you, how do they react when the hard times come along and we all get them. If someone loves you, they will think about your needs and wants before their own and they will not only tell you but also show you each and every day that they are very much in love and grateful you are in their life.
Is there physical intimacy? Are you still physically attracted to your partner? Do you still get goose bumps thinking about them, holding them, having lazy Sundays in bed just watching Netflix and embracing the love and emotions with each other? OK, life plays its part and day to day life can be a toil at times with work, children, stress, worry we all have it but no matter what’s going on in life but you should still have the desire and love for each other no matter what. If your setting dates and times and wishing it over before it begins or making excuses not to be physical with your partner anymore then it really is time you took a long hard look at the relationship. Sex is not the b all and end all of a relationship but it is important and for some more than others.
Do you still have all of the above and your partner doesn’t? It’s the same outcome and that’s not what a loving happy relationship is about. Now some of the points can be dealt with by sitting down being open and honest and having a good old heart to heart, however, if you resonate with most of these points I would suggest you already know what the next step is. You deserve everything good in life and relationships and if you don’t have it and are accepting less than you deserve due to fear or lack of understanding you really are missing out on your best life.
Remember, time isn’t a healer, what you do with your time is. Have a great day!
JulieAnn Wellness Therapies 