Signs of Domestic Abuse

Domestic Abuse by law is described by any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse…… It can include, but is not limited to; physical, emotional & psychological, sexual and financial abuse.

There are many signs of domestic abuse which often go unnoticed. The obvious bruises or physical marks are the easiest to identify but can also be the easiest to hide. Other signs can be a friend regularly making excuses not to attend a day/night out or a sudden loss of interest in a hobby or activity. Changes in behaviour or a change to the clothes they wear, can be small to begin with but over time they can completely change the person. It is often a combination of the above changes that can cause concern and raise flags to those around you. Domestic abuse can vary in every relationship but in every case it has severe effects on both your physically and mental health.

Before we start it is important to remember that Domestic Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of your age, gender, educational, financial or social status. There is no ‘typical abuse victim’ and many people who find themselves in this position think it would never happen to them. There is often a shame attached to it, which is one of the many reasons why those being abused try to hide it.

Signs of Physical Abuse: If someone is being physically abused they will have bruises, marks or even scars depending on how long they have been subjected to the abuse. These may include, but are not limited to a burst lip, black eyes and bruising or marks around the neck or arms. It is common for those affected to try and cover up and hide these bruises/marks. For example you may notice them wearing sunglasses on a dull day or jumpers and scarfs in the warm weather or even wearing more make up than usual.

Signs of Emotional Abuse: Firstly, I want to make it very clear that emotional abuse is STILL domestic abuse, don’t think because there are no bruises that this is OK. Emotional abuse is often harder to recover from, broken bones heal, bruises fade but the mental scars can stay with you longer. Those being abused are often on edge, worried they do or say something wrong, often they will suffer from low self esteem, a lack of confidence, depression or anxiety. Again, the list could go on but these are the most common signs of emotional domestic abuse. Emotional abuse also includes verbal abuse, blaming, shaming, name calling or intimating and controlling behaviour.

Changes in Behaviour: If you know someone who was once outgoing, carefree or the life and soul of the party, or even someone who was happy but now they are withdrawn and quiet. They may have dropped out of their usual activities, cancel on their circle of friends, or even become very defensive about their private life. Those being abused will gradually be isolated from their family and friends and often it is done in a very subtle way that they don’t even realise. They may also become withdrawn and very apologetic.

Living with Fear: With domestic abuse there is always an element of fear, that is what makes it domestic abuse. The level of fear is varied in every relationship and many become good at hiding the fear to a degree or making excuses for it. Especially, if they are in denial or are minimising what is happening. As the abuse progresses the person being abused is in constant fear as even when they are not with their abuser they are fearful and anxious of what the abuser is thinking and what they are going home to, there if no getting away it.

Controlling and Coercive Behaviours: Domestic abuse is not about violence, it is about control and manipulation. The abuser will twist everything and make the person being abused doubt their own mind. Many abusers wont directly stop their partner going out, they will cause a scene or make such an issue about it every time so that it is just easier for the abused to not go on a night out or not to be in certain situations that will prompt accusations or an argument. Those being abused may refer to their partner as jealous or possessive and may have their partner constantly calling or texting to check up on them, check where they are or who they are with. More severe signs of control would be not having access to finances or to the car. The abusers intention is to isolate and make the abused dependant on them, so when the control increases and gets worse, they have no one to turn to.

PLEASE NOTE: The above signs are only a few warnings that you or someone you may know could be in a domestic abusive relationship. If you are concerned for your own safety or your family/friends safety, please contact Scottish Women’s Aid on 0800 027 1234.