We have all loved and lost and it can sometimes be difficult to move on, especially when it has been your decision or actions that lead to the end of the relationship. Around 80% of people wish they had held on to or made more of an effort in the relationship that they so freely gave up on or pushed away. We have so much more time on our hands in this current situation and you may find yourself constantly thinking about this person or how things could be different. Whatever, you are thinking now, you need to remember that you left the relationship for a reason and whatever that reason may have been, it is done now. So…. how do you move on from it and how do you recover? We don’t really ever forget the moments and the happiness you once shared with a loved one because as Alfred Lord Tennyson once said “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” and just because we move on it doesn’t mean that you don’t still have a place in your heart for them. How many times have we all read and seen articles of lost loves getting back in touch after years apart and living in different places? So, the simple message is, if that’s what is meant to be, then it will be. But for now, let’s look at how we can get you up and running and moving forward because waiting on a call or message from someone is draining and often pointless and as sometimes, it just never comes. So lets take a look at how we do this.
Firstly, Don’t Dwell: When a relationship ends, it’s easy to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to look at the relationship on a whole and take the lessons you’ve learned from it, as that will help you with future relationships. But there is no point going over and over every little detail, you can’t change anything by doing this, all it does is cause you more suffering. Focus on the good things you currently have in your life, like the family and friends who are there for you, (even though you can’t see them face to face, you can still have videos calls or messages to keep connected). It might also help to share with someone what went on and how you behaved and handled things, talking it through with someone you trust can help us see what we can learn from it. And remember the past cannot be changed, no matter how much we want it to, all you have now is today and this moment, so put all your energy and focus into that. We have to let the past go and believe if it is truly meant for us, it will come back to us.
Forgive yourself: OK, so we are not perfect, you have got it wrong, you have messed it up and you may have said something and hurt people who loved you and you them. But you need to forgive yourself, we are only human and life and relationships don’t come with a manual, you cant always get it right and you will mess it up at some point. I promise it’s OK to get it wrong, what is not OK is to punish yourself for it, day after day. This is the perfect time for you; learn from the mistakes that were made and let them help you grow and strengthen you as an individual.
Don’t think about your time as lost: So many things you may have done, an amazing holidays, laughter at the strangest moments, tears when you least expected it are moments that will live with you forever. All these things and many more have allowed you to live and experience true love no matter how short it may have been. Love can last a day or a decade, once experienced for the pureness that it is, then it can never have been a wasted journey. Just because you’re not with that person anymore doesn’t mean that the whole relationship was wasted and you lost 9 months or 9 years, it is all irrelevant the very fact you felt it and had it for however long meant it was a worth while journey.
Reach out: Remember the title here is, Lost love; Letting Go and Moving On, and in some cases for that to happen, you need to reach out and set the record straight, admit the mistakes on your part and let them know your regrets and apologise for anything you might have done that caused this relationship to finish. It is really important you only do this when you’re ready and you have forgiven yourself for your part. You need to be able to move on with a clean slate and that can only be done when you apologise for what happened. Now don’t be upset when they have also moved on and started fresh in life, remember, it was you that wanted this and if you do still love them, understand that it’s OK to wish and want for them everything they deserve, just because you couldn’t deliver it doesn’t mean someone else can’t, so do the right thing. The pain you feel is normal so just embrace it and remember we all learn from our mistakes.
Letting Go Is a Work in Progress: You have loved and you have lost, yet here we are still standing, still breathing and still walking. Life won’t crumble because you still hold love in your heart for someone. Life won’t give up on you because you made mistakes and lost someone you love. Life goes on and the world still turns and it always has been and always will be that way. You are a work in progress as long as you learn from your mistakes and don’t let them sculpt your future. It’s not all bad and remember if you do truly love someone then it’s OK to let them go and move on. Just because we move on, doesn’t mean to say we ever forget them or what they taught us.
Remember, time isn’t a healer, what you do with your time is. Have a great day!
JulieAnn Wellness Therapies 