Ghosting…. What is it? Why does it hurt?

In these current times of internet dating, more and more people are getting ‘ghosted’. This article will look at exactly what ghosting is and why it hurts you so much. Lets start with a definition of the term ghosting; “the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship.”

If you’ve been chatting to someone online or perhaps you’ve been on a date and you think everything is going great but all of a sudden, usually without any warning, you don’t hear from them again. No calls, no texts, no replies, nothing. You have been ghosted. Now, ghosting isn’t new, for many, many years people have disappeared from relationships, friendships or walked out on their family, without an explanation for those left behind. However, it has become more common in today’s dating society.

There are many different reasons/excuses why someone may have ghosted you, but the truth is, it is a method of avoidance. Their reasoning could be that it is early days in messaging or even dating and in the ‘ghosters’ opinion, it’s not quite serious enough to justify a proper break-up. But it can happen in longer term relationships/friendships, in these cases perhaps the confrontation of a proper break-up was seen as too difficult for them. It is so easy to block or ignore someone these days on mobile phones or social media platforms.

There is no denying that ghosting can hurt, but why does it hurt so much when in many cases you didn’t really know the person very well. Well, the simple answer is that ghosting is rejection and rejection hurts, no matter how level headed you are. But, if you have been rejected in the past or have low self esteem then it is going to affect you even more. When someone is ghosted they often blame themselves, they go over their own behaviour, reread all the texts they sent or overthink the entire date, wondering where they went wrong. But the truth is, ghosting says more about the person who is doing it than it does about you. So stop blaming yourself!

If it happens to you, stay calm, accept it for what it is and do not lower yourself to send any pleading or angry messages to the person for an explanation. Lets be honest, if someone can ignore you in this way, then they are not the kind of person you would want to have in your life anyway, they have no respect for your feelings and you deserve so much better.

If your date or friend doesn’t see how amazing you are then that is their loss. You get up and you go again. If it really hurts and you feel broken by it, then take the time to look inwards and ask yourself why, identify that you might need to do some work on yourself to build up your confidence and self esteem.

RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need help we are only ever a message away. You can contact me directly on 07715 397 942.