OK, so what is a narcissist? A narcissist is a self centred individual who seldom admits they are in the wrong, they have an huge sense of self importance and a lack of empathy. A person who does not fully accept responsibility for their actions and always looks to blame others. To the outside world, they appear very likeable and charming, but in reality they are manipulative, jealous and controlling. Please note, that anyone could have narcissistic traits, a parent, family member or friend, not just a partner.
They were so in love…….. at first; In the beginning they treated you like the love of their life, gave you compliments, they were interested in everything you had to say, they wanted to do everything and anything they could to help you and wanted to be with you all the time. (This was the love bombing stage). Now they act like nothing you do or say is ever good enough, they use what you told them against you and cast up things from the past, that you had confided in them about and now only want to be with you so they can control you.
They don’t apologise; A narcissist finds it difficult to admit they are in the wrong, they will have an excuse and be ready to blame you or someone else ‘for making them’ act in the way they did. Either that or they will not admit they were in the wrong at all and accuse you of making up or exaggerating. They will either go in a huff and don’t talk to you or shout, call you names and storm out, anything to avoid accepting responsibility.
They make you question your own sanity; This is called Gaslighting, it is a form of emotional abuse, where you are criticised, manipulated, blamed and/or threatened, to the point you think you are going insane. You might have noticed you are apologising more and feel that everything you do is wrong.
They are draining you; If you are dating a narcissist, you will feel drained emotionally, physically, mentally and financially and they will blame you for it. They will withhold their love and affection and use charm, sex, fear, manipulation and confusion to get what they want. A common form of abuse used by a narcissist is through sleep deprivation, they will try and wind you up and get you annoyed just before bedtime or they will go in a huff because you are tired and want to go to bed, making you stay up later. A lack of sleep not only makes you feel tired and run down but also affects your emotional and physical health, making it much easier to manipulate you.
These are only some signs of narcissist behaviour, not a full extensive list. But if you resonate with any of these points and/or you are breaking up with a narcissist, the important thing to remember is that the person you fell in love with, never truly existed. It was an act to get you to fall for them, they saw how loving, kind and compassionate you are and wanted to be like you, they pretended to have the same interests as you and they made you believe they were deeply in love with you and you were their whole world and then when they knew they had you exactly where they wanted you, they stopped! They knew you would remember the amazing person they were in the beginning and that you would hold on, desperately trying to get back that version of them, that you fell in love with. But they don’t care, they will continue to treat you this way as long as you allow them.
The only way to win with a narcissist, is not to play. Cut contact, block and delete their number. For further advice on this, check out my previous article on “Getting over your ex…… the no contact rule explained”.
RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need help we are only ever a message away. You can contact me directly on 07715 397 942.
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