When reading articles or posts on social media about narcissists, you will find the following terms being used often; love bombing, gas lighting and flying monkeys. This article is to explain what these phrases mean so you have a better understanding. When it comes to dealing with narcissists, knowledge is power. Know the signs and identify them early enough so you can walk or should I say run away in the opposite direction.
What is love bombing? I covered this briefly in my previous article ‘Are you dating a narcissist?’ Love Bombing is the initial stage, its the beginning when you are being pursued or wooed. They overwhelm or ‘bomb’ you with love and affection, give you constant compliments and praise, buy you gifts, run after your every need, help you in every way they can, to sweep you off your feet. They will say it is love at first sight, a whirlwind romance but really it is emotional manipulation with the sole purpose of getting you where they want you, so they can control you. Narcissists are so wonderful during this stage so that you hold onto those memories. Then, when their true controlling and abusive behaviours come out, you keep holding on, hoping that you can somehow get this version of them back. But you can’t, because it was false, this person you fell in love with, never existed.
Are you being gaslighted? This is when the narcissist makes you doubt yourself to the point that you question your own sanity. You feel like reality is changing, you start doubting the norms and values you’ve always had. You think you are losing your mind and everything you say or do is wrong. Have you gotten into the habit of apologising even when you are not in the wrong? Were you in the wrong? Maybe you said something you shouldn’t? Did you say something stupid? Is it your fault the narcissist is in a fit of rage, ranting or giving you the silent treatment? The short answer is, NO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You are being lied to and manipulated, they re twisting the truth to make you question yourself. Stay true to yourself and trust your gut! If someone makes you feel his way. It is not love!
What are flying monkeys? So, the term ‘flying monkey’ is used to describe friends/family of the narcissist who support them and therefore enable their behaviour and abuse. They also twist the truth and guilt trip you into staying involved with the narcissist. The narcissist will often speak about the monkeys, put them down and will also use them as a scapegoat at times. But between the lies and manipulation the monkeys support them, no matter what. In some cases they may be blind to it or ignore the signs, in other cases they are fully aware but its easier for them to keep quiet. The thing to remember is……. when people are aware the narcissist is being abusive, in any way and they remain supportive, they are condoning the abuse and are just as bad as the abuser/narcissist.
It is also important to remember that not only romantic partners can be narcissists but also friends and family and this includes parents. My next article will be on dealing with a narcissistic parent. Like I say, knowledge is power, keep reading, keep educating yourself. If you feel like any relationship in your life is not right, for whatever reason, trust yourself and take a step back.
RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need help we are only ever a message away. You can contact me directly on 07715 397 942.
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