Co-dependency; Recognise it and heal!

As children we are co-dependent on our parents, or our main caregiver. We look to them for love and acceptance and we seek their approval or guidance on almost everything we do. All of our beliefs are learned through our experiences and this is how our sub-conscious is programmed. This is why the relationships we have around us are so important, as they create our internal dialog and belief systems.

If you have grown up without an emotional connection from the relationships around you as a child and found yourself chasing love, validation and respect, these behaviours will be stored in your subconscious as a program. Unless you recognise these stored beliefs and do the internal work, you will continue to be co-dependent and constantly chase love, approval and validation into adult relationships. Its important to note that not all co-dependent issues start in childhood, they can also be caused from other toxic relationships, with partners, friends or other family.

Now, recognising co-dependent behaviour can be a sensitive subject, as someone who is co-dependent feels insecure and lacks self worth, which can be hard traits to accept about yourself. But lets take a look at some signs that you may be co-dependent.

Does your happiness rely on doing things for someone else? Do you lack trust in your own decisions and always turn to your partner to decide every part of your life? Do you worry about upsetting said person or getting into an argument with them? Do you people please? Do you stay in relationships or friendships even when you know the person is saying or doing hurtful things to you? Do you put their happiness above your own? All of the above are signs that you may be co-dependent, this is far from an extensive list but a start to some of the initial questions to ask yourself.

The good news is that co-dependency is healable, the first step is to recognise the signs and understand where your co-dependant belief’s and behaviours come from. Then you need to set boundaries, write down what you will and won’t accept for all relationships in your life, and remember, no one, no matter who they are, has the right to speak to you or treat you badly. Now once you have them written down, make sure you stick to them. If you have communicated your boundaries and someone doesn’t respect them, then walk away. Because a loving, caring person who respects you, will respect your boundaries and anyone who doesn’t, you don’t need in your life.

Stop putting relationships and others before yourself! Its time to practice self care, find yourself and more importantly start loving yourself again. Do things that you enjoy, put your own needs first. Focus on your own personal growth and refrain from trying to fix or save people. Remember, you should never feel like you are losing yourself, healthy relationships encourage you to grow and be happy.

It is a painful thing to lose yourself whilst loving someone else too much. It doesn’t matter how good you believe the person is or how much you love them, no relationship should cost you your own self love.

RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need to reach out, please contact me directly on 07715 397 942.