The Ripple Effect of Domestic Abuse.

There is no denying the long lasting, emotional and psychological effects Domestic Abuse has on the individual who has been on the receiving end of the abuse. However, something that is not as commonly discussed is the ripple effect on how it effects their family and friends. Guilt, anger, frustration, regret, all of these and more are all normal emotions to have if a family member or a friend, has been in or is still in an abusive relationship.

If your a parent and your daughter or son is or has been in an abusive relationship you may feel guilty or like you have failed and let them down. But let me assure you, that even with the best upbringing in the world, a strong, independent, confident person from the most loving family can still find themselves in an abusive relationship. Where, over a period of time, they slowly lose their confidence and self-esteem and they start questioning and doubting everything they say and do. It is not your fault or your failing.

Trust me the person being abused, will become good at lying, covering up and making excuses for their partners behaviour. In most cases they will even defend them, as they have been so manipulated that they believe they are to blame. Either that or they feel embarrassed for putting up with it when they know its not acceptable but can’t or don’t want to leave.

It is also important to note that the family and friends of the abuser can also be effected, in some cases the abusers circle will be enablers or ‘flying monkeys’ (check out my article on this for more info). However, there will also be cases where their family/friends are disgusted by their behaviour and may also feel guilty that they didn’t see the signs or step in and stop the abuse.

As parents, friends or family, one of the best thing you can do is to educate yourself and those around you on the signs of domestic abuse and know that it is not just violence (please see previous article on Signs of Domestic Abuse). If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, support them any way you can and just be there for them, if you criticise or judge them, you are pushing them back to their abuser and they may not talk to you or anyone else about the abuse again.

If you are a parent, family member or friend of someone who has suffered abuse, please don’t feel guilty for being indirectly affected. Your feelings are natural, abuse has a ripple affect on the wider families/friends of those involved.

If any of this article resonates with you, if you or someone you know is struggling to deal with the recovery from domestic abuse, please reach out to RRR on 07715 397 942 or email julieann@relationshipsandrecovery.com. We really can get you up and moving forward again. Its time to let go of all these emotions holding you back and get on with living your very best life.