I often get asked, ‘how can you tell someone is a narcissist when they can hide it so well?’ And the truth is, if you educate yourself to spot the signs then you will be able to identify their behaviours and walk away before you invest too much of your time and energy into someone who will only bring you misery. Remember a narcissist has an inflated sense of self importance, so they are most likely to show their true colours in a disagreement/argument.
Firstly, if you are reading this because your wondering if your partner is a narcissist and you can identify the points below in your own relationship, please don’t ignore these signs, they are huge red flags and if you ignore them and make excuses for your partner, you will pay the price. There are so many people who believe they can ‘help’ their partner get better or improve their bad behaviour……….You can’t!!
I know they seemed perfect at first but that’s because they were mirroring you, they were interested in everything about you to begin with so they can act the same way, be into similar things. The more they get to know, they more convincing they can be to be your ‘perfect’ match. Believe me, everything you opened up about and confided in them, will be turned round and used against you in an argument at a later date.
Although this is not an extensive list, here are some signs to look out for;
They act differently when they are around others.
They believe they are always right or disregard/ignore your opinion.
They hate to or never admit they are wrong, even when they have been proved wrong?
They seem unable to apologise, especially when it really matters.
They lack manners and always have a negative remark when you do something good.
They answer your question with a another question.
They accuse you of behaving the way they are and make you feel like you are the problem.
Intimacy is on their terms and now lacks any real feelings.
Pay attention to how you are being treated and I mean really pay attention. Do not make excuses for your partners behaviour, that in itself is a huge indication that something is wrong. If you can relate to any of the points above please know that it’s not love and no matter how much you love them, it won’t change them and it won’t get better. Yes it might improve slightly for a day, a week or even a month, but they have shown you who they are and they will go back to that way and you will find yourself going round in circles with the ‘good, loving times’ becoming less and less.
So stop trying to repaint someone once they have shown you their true colours. You need to accept that you cannot change anyone else, or control how they treat you. BUT you can control what you accept in a relationship and who you allow in your life.
If you resonate with any of the points in this article and need advice in leaving or recovering from a previous relationship then call or message RRR on 07715 397 942 or julieann@relationshipsandrecovery.com.
JulieAnn Wellness Therapies 