Well, its almost a year from the first lockdown began. Some people have been working from home the entire time, whilst some have been on and off, depending on restrictions. Whatever your circumstances have been, it has without a doubt, been a difficult year for many couples.

But how have you found working from home? This question gets a very mixed response of answers. If you have both been working from home, have you set boundaries and stuck to routines? The couples who have found it easier are the ones who have communicated the best, explained and listened to what the other needs to do their work and get through their day. Of course, its not always as simple as that, all relationships have different factors to take into consideration which can all cause additional stress. i.e. depending on size of your home for creating separate work spaces, children requiring caring for or home schooling, not to mention the increased housework, since everyone is now at home more than ever.

You may think it would be easier if one of you could be out at work while the other works from home. However, this comes with its own stresses. For example, if you are working from home and therefore in the house all day, often the housework or the care of the children will fall on you. Which may have caused some conflict between you and your partner, another issue is that once you have gotten through your day, you will no doubt want out of the house and go for your daily walk. But your partner, who has been out at work all day, may want to come home and sit on the sofa and relax, happy to be home. Again, I understand that these seem trivial things in normal circumstances but these are not normal circumstances and disagreements, tensions and cracks are appearing where they never used to be.

Now….. you may be wondering why I’m writing an article on the stresses of working from home now, when we appear to be through the worst of it and there is some normality in sight.

Well……. for a few reasons.

Firstly, I wanted you to read this and realise that you are not the only person or couple to have had these problems. Just because new tensions have appeared, does not mean your relationship is doomed. Yes, you may have seen a different side to your partner, husband and wife and maybe even to your friends and family. But remember all relationships have been tested, its how you have dealt with the stresses that matter. As I’ve said in many of my previous articles, communication is key, it is vital to not only talk to your partner about how you feel but also to listen to how they are feeling.

Secondly, some employers have seen the benefits of home working and may wish to continue this. If this is the case for you or your partner, then you both need to talk about how this will effect your home life and your relationship. Create a routine for the housework, collecting of the children or walking the dog, whatever it may be. I know it seems basic but having these conversations outlines each persons expectations and will reduce arguments going forward.

And thirdly, if this past year has taught us anything its that things can change very quickly. This lockdown may have an end in sight but its not the first one we have had and who really knows if it will be the last. So take some time to think about how you have responded to this past year and think about what you would do differently. Reflect and learn what you can from it as it will help prepare you for whatever the future holds.

On a final side note, please respect that everyone has different opinions on the virus and the politics that surround it. It will no doubt still be the talk of your work when your back, the pub or the hairdressers for many months to come. Be kind and remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, the same as you are entitled to yours.

If your relationship is struggling as a result of lockdown or the added pressure of working from home or you would like more information on how RRR can help you, then message or call on the following details; 07715 397 942 / julieann@relationshipsandrecovery.com

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping is a form of Acupuncture, which uses your fingertips instead of needles to stimulate the 9 meridian points on the hand, face and head. It works by tapping directly into your bodies own energy and healing system and restoring balance. Tapping has been around for over 5000 years and can help alleviate a whole host of emotional and physical problems.

First of all, you need to address the thoughts/feelings that you wish to work on and create a statement/affirmation that is relevant to you. The statement should acknowledge the problem followed by an acceptance then positive affirmation.

For example; even though I feel I am not good enough, I completely love and accept myself.

If you have nothing in particular you wish to work on and it becomes part of your daily routine you can repeat a positive affirmation such as; I am strong enough to handle whatever comes my way today, repeating it at every point through the sequence below.

Before you begin, measure the intensity of this memory/feeling/pain on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst). Below is a diagram of the meridian points you need to tap along with your personalised statement.

Like everything, this technique requires practice, however when used properly, it is a great tool to help you regain control, it really can help you leave your past where it belongs and move forward.

Remember, time is not a healer, what you do with it, is!

What is the no contact rule? Well, simply put, it means not contacting your ex and it is the best way to get over your ex and move on. It may be one of the hardest things your’ll have to do, especially if you were together for a long time. This article will look at why you must put yourself through it when you know its going to be hard and will explain how and why its works.

We can become addicted to our ex’s and the best way to move on is to go cold turkey. What does that mean? Well it means absolutely no contact, no text messages, no phone calls, no Facebook, Instagram or any other social media messages or checking their page and not posting any memes or social media posts which are clearly aimed at them. Tell any mutual friends you don’t want the gossip about what they are up too. All of the above is only ‘feeding your addiction’ to them and has to stop!

You have to learn to live without your ex and no contact is the best way to do it. Now you might be wondering why should you learn to live without them if you want to get them back. But unless you learn to live without them, you will always be needy and desperate whenever you see them or talk to them and that will make you look unattractive to your ex. Also, once you learn to live without them, you might discover you are happier on your own.

What will you do during no contact? Live your life as normal and do everything you can to make yourself feel better. Rediscover and learn to love yourself and be happy in your own company. This no contact is time to focus on YOU and make yourself happy and confident. You need to learn that you don’t need your ex to be happy, you don’t need your ex at all. And believe me there is a big difference between needing them and wanting them. Now this change in mindset doesn’t just happen on it own, if you sit around all day on Facebook or watching TV and eating rubbish you are not going to feel better.

Which is why for the no contact rule to work there are three things that you MUST do…….

1. Physical Exercise: The most important thing you MUST do is some sort of physical exercise, there are multiple reasons for this. The main one is that it releases endorphins in the brain which will make you feel better, it will also give you a focus and help fill your time. Plus you will begin to look better and getting in shape will again, make you feel better on the outside as well as the inside and that will shine though should you want to meet your ex after the no contact period is over. I would recommend exercising every second day and it doesn’t matter what you do, there are a huge variety of things you can do. Such as going to the gym, a yoga class, running, dancing. You can do anything at all, try different sports and find something that you enjoy.
2. Social Activities: I know you just want to stay at home and feel miserable but that will not help you feel better. Force yourself to go and catch up with friends and they will make you feel better, they will remind you how amazing you are and that you are loved and wanted by them. No matter what happens in your romantic relationships, you should appreciate that have friends and family around you. You should also go on a date during this no contact period, do not jump into another relationship during this time, but a few dates will give you an ego boost and will help you in the long run to rediscovering yourself. Plus, so many people have never properly dated, coffees, dinner, getting to meet new people. So its definitely worth doing.
3. Time to Relax: Again finding time to relax and pamper yourself is a MUST during this no contact period. You are going through a difficult time which is draining you emotionally and that will have an impact on your mental and physical health so take time for you. Again do something relaxing that you enjoy, such as; meditation, yoga, a spa day or even a relaxing bath.

Things to AVOID during the no contact period; There are many thing that you also have to avoid during the no contact period. This section is here as a warning sign as it is very easy to become obsessed with your ex and what they may or may not be doing that you don’t make any real progress in your own life.

Social Media: Many people think that stopping contact with their ex, will make them miss them and want them back and then they spend most of their day checking their Facebook, Instagram or other Social Media. Even if your ex misses you and gets in touch, you have to stick to this rule for the full time. Or you will not have grown in yourself or broken the addiction to your ex. You will still be obsessed and needy, your ex will see this an quickly lose interest again. To break the addiction you must go cold turkey and delete them from social media or deactivate your accounts.

No Alcohol or Drugs: It is easy to turn to alcohol to numb the pain and block memories out, however you are just replacing one addiction (your ex) for another if you start to drink more often or heavily. Now I am not saying you can’t have a drink just don’t do it too often. Alcohol or drugs doesn’t solve anything and won’t heal you, it will make you more depressed in the long run. And if you have a night out with friends, be sure to leave your mobile at home or give it to a friend so you don’t phone your ex drunk and make a fool of yourself. This time is to find YOU and grow as an individual.

FAQ about the No Contact Rule:

How long does the no contact rule last? This is fully dependant on the length of the relationship and how bad the break up was, I would say a minimum of 30 days. But for bad break ups then make it either 60 or 90 days. Keep going until you are no longer needy or addicted to your ex.

What if I break the no contact rule? If you break the rule then you start again back at day one. It the same as any other addiction, if you slip up, you start again.

If my ex contacts me, does that count as breaking the rule? No, if they contact you the it doesn’t count as being broken UNLESS you respond to them. In this case the rule is broken and you must start again. Of course, in the case of an emergency, you can respond. But even in that case, the conversation should be strictly on the topic of emergency and nothing personal.

What if my ex and I have a child together?
If you and your ex have a child together, then you obviously can’t avoid meeting them for a long time. But you can still maintain no contact in this situation provided you follow a few rules.
⦁ You are not allowed to talk to your ex on any topic other than your child.
⦁ Whenever you see them; be amicable and treat them like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
⦁ Never talk about your personal feelings or anything that is going in your life. Doing so is breaking the no contact rule.
⦁ Never badmouth your ex to your child. That’s just bad parenting.

What if we live together and neither can afford to move out? In this case, make sure you follow the following rules for no contact.
⦁ Make sure you have a separate room. Make your own space and stay as much as possible in your own room.

⦁ Be a good roommate. You can talk about stuff related to household, but never about personal feelings. Not until the no contact period is over.
⦁ Don’t be a jerk and don’t put up with your ex if he/she is being a jerk. If they can’t handle being roommates with their ex, then it’s better for both of you to come up with a solution fast and live separately.

THE ESSENCE OF NO CONTACT RULE:
Think of the no contact rule as a detox for your mind and soul. It will be extremely difficult from the moment you decide to stop contact with your ex, you will have a sudden unbearable urge to call them immediately. That is completely normal. Just remember, that urge is not because of the love you have for your ex, it’s because you mind and your soul are addicted to your ex and you are just going through the withdrawal symptoms.
During the no contact period, your mind will try to play tricks on you. It will come in strong urges to call them or text them, or manipulative thoughts like “Just one text is not going to do any harm”, or “Maybe I’ll just check their Facebook page and say what’s up”. That’s a slippery slope. Remember, your mind will try anything to get a dose of your ex, simply because it’s addicted to them. It is a master of manipulation. It knows all your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and it’s going to use them against you.
But you have to stay strong. You have to understand that you are not your mind. You have to become more powerful than those urges that you feel to contact your ex. Remember, your mind is hurt and it’s going through withdrawal, you have to treat it gently but not give in to the temptations. Do everything in your power to make yourself feel better, just remember that contacting your ex is not going to do it. If you contact your ex before the end of no contact, you are just going to make yourself feel worse and hurt your chances of getting back together.

Remember, time isn’t a healer, what you do with your time is.

I often get asked, ‘how can you tell someone is a narcissist when they can hide it so well?’ And the truth is, if you educate yourself to spot the signs then you will be able to identify their behaviours and walk away before you invest too much of your time and energy into someone who will only bring you misery. Remember a narcissist has an inflated sense of self importance, so they are most likely to show their true colours in a disagreement/argument.

Firstly, if you are reading this because your wondering if your partner is a narcissist and you can identify the points below in your own relationship, please don’t ignore these signs, they are huge red flags and if you ignore them and make excuses for your partner, you will pay the price. There are so many people who believe they can ‘help’ their partner get better or improve their bad behaviour……….You can’t!!

I know they seemed perfect at first but that’s because they were mirroring you, they were interested in everything about you to begin with so they can act the same way, be into similar things. The more they get to know, they more convincing they can be to be your ‘perfect’ match. Believe me, everything you opened up about and confided in them, will be turned round and used against you in an argument at a later date.

Although this is not an extensive list, here are some signs to look out for;

They act differently when they are around others.

They believe they are always right or disregard/ignore your opinion.

They hate to or never admit they are wrong, even when they have been proved wrong?

They seem unable to apologise, especially when it really matters.

They lack manners and always have a negative remark when you do something good.

They answer your question with a another question.

They accuse you of behaving the way they are and make you feel like you are the problem.

Intimacy is on their terms and now lacks any real feelings.

Pay attention to how you are being treated and I mean really pay attention. Do not make excuses for your partners behaviour, that in itself is a huge indication that something is wrong. If you can relate to any of the points above please know that it’s not love and no matter how much you love them, it won’t change them and it won’t get better. Yes it might improve slightly for a day, a week or even a month, but they have shown you who they are and they will go back to that way and you will find yourself going round in circles with the ‘good, loving times’ becoming less and less.

So stop trying to repaint someone once they have shown you their true colours. You need to accept that you cannot change anyone else, or control how they treat you. BUT you can control what you accept in a relationship and who you allow in your life.

If you resonate with any of the points in this article and need advice in leaving or recovering from a previous relationship then call or message RRR on 07715 397 942 or julieann@relationshipsandrecovery.com.

When a relationship breaks down and there are children involved co-parenting can be difficult, even more so when your ex is a narcissist. A healthy co-parenting relationship requires respect, communication and the understanding that your child/children’s needs and feelings should come first, these are all behaviours that narcissists lack. The first thing to acknowledge is that a narcissist doesn’t co-parent, they counter parent. They have a high level if self importance and think their needs are greater than anyone else’s, including you and your child(ren). This article will give you my basic top tips on co-parenting with your narcissistic or difficult ex.

Set boundaries; boundaries are vitally important when dealing with a narcissist, this is something they struggle with and will always try to push/break. You need to set out days/times the child(ren) are with each parent and stick to them (this can at times requires a lawyers input to come to a mutual agreement). Yes it would be nice to have an ex who you could co-parent with, to be able to come and go with each other. However, this is not possible with a narcissist, no matter how much you wish it could be, they will play the game to start with if it suits them, but then they will start to make unreasonable requests and say you are being difficult if you don’t agree. It will always be on their terms, as long as you allow it.

No need for small talk; remember your ex is an ex for a reason and they are now being difficult with you regarding your children, so why do you need small talk? Everyone seems to think its best for everyone if you are friends with your ex. That is not possible when dealing with a narcissist. This is why the boundaries and set arrangements are so important, if you have these in place then there is no need for conversations or pointless texts, you both know when you are getting the children and that is that. Of course, sometimes information needs to be shared, depending on the ages of the child(ren), I know that no contact isn’t always possible, however, conversation with your ex should be kept to an absolute minimum and if they are being difficult or have a tendency to get difficult, then keep a diary/journal documenting everything (incase you need this for a family court or lawyers at a later date).

Stay in control; your ex may not give your child(ren) the love, time, care and compassion you do but you must continue to be the best parent you can be and always remember that you can only control your own behaviour, not theirs! Your ideas of parenting will be different to your exs, bedtimes, mealtimes etc. But I can assure you, the more you try to tell them what they do on their time, the more they will do the opposite to spite you, you have to accept this and let go. UNLESS you seriously believe your child(ren) are at risk. In this case lawyers or social workers should be informed.

Do not talk about your ex in front of your children, it is not their fault and they do not need to hear you bad mouthing their mum/dad. Regardless of your thoughts and feelings towards your ex, it is still their parent and they will love them. They are too young to see and understand everything that you do, but as they get older they will spot the signs and know which parent was there for them when they were needed.

Remember, narcissists manipulate and always play a game, they thrive on control and will only be nice when they are getting their own way or want something in return. Don’t be fooled, stick to your boundaries even when they seem reasonable.

If you need more advice/support in dealing with your narcissist ex or help setting boundaries then call 07715 397 942 or email julieann@relationshipsandrecovery.com

There is no denying the long lasting, emotional and psychological effects Domestic Abuse has on the individual who has been on the receiving end of the abuse. However, something that is not as commonly discussed is the ripple effect on how it effects their family and friends. Guilt, anger, frustration, regret, all of these and more are all normal emotions to have if a family member or a friend, has been in or is still in an abusive relationship.

If your a parent and your daughter or son is or has been in an abusive relationship you may feel guilty or like you have failed and let them down. But let me assure you, that even with the best upbringing in the world, a strong, independent, confident person from the most loving family can still find themselves in an abusive relationship. Where, over a period of time, they slowly lose their confidence and self-esteem and they start questioning and doubting everything they say and do. It is not your fault or your failing.

Trust me the person being abused, will become good at lying, covering up and making excuses for their partners behaviour. In most cases they will even defend them, as they have been so manipulated that they believe they are to blame. Either that or they feel embarrassed for putting up with it when they know its not acceptable but can’t or don’t want to leave.

It is also important to note that the family and friends of the abuser can also be effected, in some cases the abusers circle will be enablers or ‘flying monkeys’ (check out my article on this for more info). However, there will also be cases where their family/friends are disgusted by their behaviour and may also feel guilty that they didn’t see the signs or step in and stop the abuse.

As parents, friends or family, one of the best thing you can do is to educate yourself and those around you on the signs of domestic abuse and know that it is not just violence (please see previous article on Signs of Domestic Abuse). If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, support them any way you can and just be there for them, if you criticise or judge them, you are pushing them back to their abuser and they may not talk to you or anyone else about the abuse again.

If you are a parent, family member or friend of someone who has suffered abuse, please don’t feel guilty for being indirectly affected. Your feelings are natural, abuse has a ripple affect on the wider families/friends of those involved.

If any of this article resonates with you, if you or someone you know is struggling to deal with the recovery from domestic abuse, please reach out to RRR on 07715 397 942 or email julieann@relationshipsandrecovery.com. We really can get you up and moving forward again. Its time to let go of all these emotions holding you back and get on with living your very best life.

As children we are co-dependent on our parents, or our main caregiver. We look to them for love and acceptance and we seek their approval or guidance on almost everything we do. All of our beliefs are learned through our experiences and this is how our sub-conscious is programmed. This is why the relationships we have around us are so important, as they create our internal dialog and belief systems.

If you have grown up without an emotional connection from the relationships around you as a child and found yourself chasing love, validation and respect, these behaviours will be stored in your subconscious as a program. Unless you recognise these stored beliefs and do the internal work, you will continue to be co-dependent and constantly chase love, approval and validation into adult relationships. Its important to note that not all co-dependent issues start in childhood, they can also be caused from other toxic relationships, with partners, friends or other family.

Now, recognising co-dependent behaviour can be a sensitive subject, as someone who is co-dependent feels insecure and lacks self worth, which can be hard traits to accept about yourself. But lets take a look at some signs that you may be co-dependent.

Does your happiness rely on doing things for someone else? Do you lack trust in your own decisions and always turn to your partner to decide every part of your life? Do you worry about upsetting said person or getting into an argument with them? Do you people please? Do you stay in relationships or friendships even when you know the person is saying or doing hurtful things to you? Do you put their happiness above your own? All of the above are signs that you may be co-dependent, this is far from an extensive list but a start to some of the initial questions to ask yourself.

The good news is that co-dependency is healable, the first step is to recognise the signs and understand where your co-dependant belief’s and behaviours come from. Then you need to set boundaries, write down what you will and won’t accept for all relationships in your life, and remember, no one, no matter who they are, has the right to speak to you or treat you badly. Now once you have them written down, make sure you stick to them. If you have communicated your boundaries and someone doesn’t respect them, then walk away. Because a loving, caring person who respects you, will respect your boundaries and anyone who doesn’t, you don’t need in your life.

Stop putting relationships and others before yourself! Its time to practice self care, find yourself and more importantly start loving yourself again. Do things that you enjoy, put your own needs first. Focus on your own personal growth and refrain from trying to fix or save people. Remember, you should never feel like you are losing yourself, healthy relationships encourage you to grow and be happy.

It is a painful thing to lose yourself whilst loving someone else too much. It doesn’t matter how good you believe the person is or how much you love them, no relationship should cost you your own self love.

RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need to reach out, please contact me directly on 07715 397 942.

So, in my last article ‘Are You Dating A Narcissist?’ I explained exactly what a narcissist is but just to quickly recap, it is someone who doesn’t accept responsibility for their actions, in fact they rarely even accept that they are in the wrong, they are huffy, jealous and manipulative. Anyone can be a narcissist and being raised by one can leave you with attachment issues, anxiety, and you may find yourself either shutting people out or constantly chasing love. This article will briefly go over some traits and help you identify the signs of a narcissistic parent, which may help you understand why you feel the way you do.

Blame Game; Did you grow up feeling like everything that went wrong within your family was your fault and accepting responsibility, even when it usually wasn’t your fault? If you have siblings, they were always seen as the golden child and you never got the same respect or even the same tone when you were spoken to.

Indirectly brings you down; Your parent won’t directly put you down, as that is too obvious and to the outside world they want to appear as charming and likeable. But has your parent openly talked about something you have done but ignored your achievement and said someone else has done it and talked about how well they done. Or had a joke at your expense with their friends and say you are oversensitive if you question them about it. They have the ability to bring you down and make you feel useless.

Manipulates you; Narcissists are experts in manipulation, they will stop at nothing to get their own way, but twist it round on you. For example, does your parent repeatedly say any of the following; ‘do you have any idea the things I’ve done for you?’, ‘you are always so ungrateful’, ‘you always embarrass me’ or ‘you better do well in this …and make me proud’, these are all forms of manipulation.

Narcissist mothers and fathers are often jealous of their children, so if you start being more of an individual, going on your own path and pulling away from the parent they will increase their controlling behaviours to keep you where they want you. For this reason they will also hate any romantic partner you have, as they are viewed as a threat or competition. It is all a game of control and manipulation to them.

As I said in my last article the only way to win with any narcissist is, not to play. I understand that cutting a parent from your life is harder than a partner, however, you only get one life and you really need to do what is best for you. YOU choose the people you have around you. Choose wisely. These articles are to here to help you look at the relationships that surround you, so you can improve them or step away from them, in order to protect yourself.

RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need to reach out, please contact me directly on 07715 397 942.

When reading articles or posts on social media about narcissists, you will find the following terms being used often; love bombing, gas lighting and flying monkeys. This article is to explain what these phrases mean so you have a better understanding. When it comes to dealing with narcissists, knowledge is power. Know the signs and identify them early enough so you can walk or should I say run away in the opposite direction.

What is love bombing? I covered this briefly in my previous article ‘Are you dating a narcissist?’ Love Bombing is the initial stage, its the beginning when you are being pursued or wooed. They overwhelm or ‘bomb’ you with love and affection, give you constant compliments and praise, buy you gifts, run after your every need, help you in every way they can, to sweep you off your feet. They will say it is love at first sight, a whirlwind romance but really it is emotional manipulation with the sole purpose of getting you where they want you, so they can control you. Narcissists are so wonderful during this stage so that you hold onto those memories. Then, when their true controlling and abusive behaviours come out, you keep holding on, hoping that you can somehow get this version of them back. But you can’t, because it was false, this person you fell in love with, never existed.

Are you being gaslighted? This is when the narcissist makes you doubt yourself to the point that you question your own sanity. You feel like reality is changing, you start doubting the norms and values you’ve always had. You think you are losing your mind and everything you say or do is wrong. Have you gotten into the habit of apologising even when you are not in the wrong? Were you in the wrong? Maybe you said something you shouldn’t? Did you say something stupid? Is it your fault the narcissist is in a fit of rage, ranting or giving you the silent treatment? The short answer is, NO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You are being lied to and manipulated, they re twisting the truth to make you question yourself. Stay true to yourself and trust your gut! If someone makes you feel his way. It is not love!

What are flying monkeys? So, the term ‘flying monkey’ is used to describe friends/family of the narcissist who support them and therefore enable their behaviour and abuse. They also twist the truth and guilt trip you into staying involved with the narcissist. The narcissist will often speak about the monkeys, put them down and will also use them as a scapegoat at times. But between the lies and manipulation the monkeys support them, no matter what. In some cases they may be blind to it or ignore the signs, in other cases they are fully aware but its easier for them to keep quiet. The thing to remember is……. when people are aware the narcissist is being abusive, in any way and they remain supportive, they are condoning the abuse and are just as bad as the abuser/narcissist.

It is also important to remember that not only romantic partners can be narcissists but also friends and family and this includes parents. My next article will be on dealing with a narcissistic parent. Like I say, knowledge is power, keep reading, keep educating yourself. If you feel like any relationship in your life is not right, for whatever reason, trust yourself and take a step back.

RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need help we are only ever a message away. You can contact me directly on 07715 397 942.

OK, so what is a narcissist? A narcissist is a self centred individual who seldom admits they are in the wrong, they have an huge sense of self importance and a lack of empathy. A person who does not fully accept responsibility for their actions and always looks to blame others. To the outside world, they appear very likeable and charming, but in reality they are manipulative, jealous and controlling. Please note, that anyone could have narcissistic traits, a parent, family member or friend, not just a partner.

They were so in love…….. at first; In the beginning they treated you like the love of their life, gave you compliments, they were interested in everything you had to say, they wanted to do everything and anything they could to help you and wanted to be with you all the time. (This was the love bombing stage). Now they act like nothing you do or say is ever good enough, they use what you told them against you and cast up things from the past, that you had confided in them about and now only want to be with you so they can control you.

They don’t apologise; A narcissist finds it difficult to admit they are in the wrong, they will have an excuse and be ready to blame you or someone else ‘for making them’ act in the way they did. Either that or they will not admit they were in the wrong at all and accuse you of making up or exaggerating. They will either go in a huff and don’t talk to you or shout, call you names and storm out, anything to avoid accepting responsibility.

They make you question your own sanity; This is called Gaslighting, it is a form of emotional abuse, where you are criticised, manipulated, blamed and/or threatened, to the point you think you are going insane. You might have noticed you are apologising more and feel that everything you do is wrong.

They are draining you; If you are dating a narcissist, you will feel drained emotionally, physically, mentally and financially and they will blame you for it. They will withhold their love and affection and use charm, sex, fear, manipulation and confusion to get what they want. A common form of abuse used by a narcissist is through sleep deprivation, they will try and wind you up and get you annoyed just before bedtime or they will go in a huff because you are tired and want to go to bed, making you stay up later. A lack of sleep not only makes you feel tired and run down but also affects your emotional and physical health, making it much easier to manipulate you.

These are only some signs of narcissist behaviour, not a full extensive list. But if you resonate with any of these points and/or you are breaking up with a narcissist, the important thing to remember is that the person you fell in love with, never truly existed. It was an act to get you to fall for them, they saw how loving, kind and compassionate you are and wanted to be like you, they pretended to have the same interests as you and they made you believe they were deeply in love with you and you were their whole world and then when they knew they had you exactly where they wanted you, they stopped! They knew you would remember the amazing person they were in the beginning and that you would hold on, desperately trying to get back that version of them, that you fell in love with. But they don’t care, they will continue to treat you this way as long as you allow them.

The only way to win with a narcissist, is not to play. Cut contact, block and delete their number. For further advice on this, check out my previous article on “Getting over your ex…… the no contact rule explained”.

RRR are experts in relationships and recovery, if you need help we are only ever a message away. You can contact me directly on 07715 397 942.